At the Core

What do you hold most dear in your life? When it comes down to the very core of who you are, what is it you hold most precious? There’s likely an answer that’s acceptable for the outside world, but it may not be the same as the one deep in your heart. Popular answers – my significant other, my children, my job, providing for my family, making a difference, being a good person. It can be scary to answer honestly because the truth is, the answer may not be something we want to admit, even to ourselves. 

For the longest time, if I’m being honest, my answer would have been me. My life was what I held most dear. My ambitions. My checklist of what I wanted out of life. Education, career, husband, children, home, nice things. It’s what drove my life, what I spent my time, energy, money on. I bought into the “American dream” of what a fulfilled life looked like. And here’s what I find most terrifying, I was completely satisfied. Or at least, I thought I was. I had no idea my understanding of a full life, my understanding of living, was so empty. I was living a life in black and white when brilliant color was available. 

The things of this world look really good. That’s what’s so deceptive about them. Money, vacations, career, even family, from the outside all look really good. But as we all know, family and relationships are hard. Vacations end. Careers change. Somehow, with all of it, there’s still a longing deep inside we often can’t quite put our finger on. So we keep chasing more. More money, more vacations, a new relationship, a new house, more stuff. What we all know in our minds to be true, there will never be enough. And yet, there’s the lie, the allure of the world, that maybe it will be enough if I just keep chasing. 

What I can tell you honestly now, the very core of who I am, is Jesus. He has my soul. He has my heart. He has my mind. I have never felt more alive, more joyful, more at peace, more excited, more hopeful. And are you ready for the fun part? According to the world’s standards, I have less. My corporate career full of worldwide travel? No more. Designer handbag? On a shelf. The desire for more stuff? Sure, stuff is nice, but it’s not a desire. It’s not what I chase. What I desire most? More of God. My children to fall in love and experience Jesus as I have. For you, who are reading right now, to experience the love of Jesus and all it has to offer. 

What does loving God and being in relationship with Him do in your life? 

He transforms our hearts

He calms the storms

He takes our fears

He frees us from guilt

He keeps us safe

He heals the brokenness

He fills the emptiness

He brings joy, hope, laughter 

He saves. From every hurt, every lie, every wound, every death, forever.

Jesus is home. He is what our hearts are deeply searching for. Once you discover him, you will want more of him. It will be the best, most satisfying, most rewarding, fulfilling, life giving chase of your life. If you haven’t yet experienced the love of Jesus, I encourage you today, to meet him. Simply click here to learn more about the extraordinary love of Jesus. If you know him, I encourage you to spend time with him. Take 30 minutes and sit with him. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. Ask Him the hard question – God, are you the core of who I am? Have I let something or someone else become bigger than you? Will you speak to my heart and reveal what it is you want me to know? 

He will speak to you – through His Word, through your conversations in prayer, through worship music. A new song I love that’s been on repeat can be found here.

Blessing you with experiencing the all-consuming, all-fulfilling, love of Jesus.

Velvet Vice

Friends, what do you do when life is dark and difficult? If we looked at how many of us responded to the last year and covid, it seems drinking alcohol, baking bread, and watching Netflix is a common response. Last week, was a dark and difficult week for our family. One of those brutal weeks where crisis after crisis seemed to be happening in our home. Each night my husband and I looked at each other, almost in disbelief of all that was going on. It wasn’t one event or one person. It was as if all the things were happening to all of the people in our family and it just wouldn’t let up. And when I say “all the things”, we were facing serious situations, the very real and very hard struggles of life. Tuesday? Crisis. Wednesday? Crisis. Thursday? Crisis. By that evening, I had nothing left. The tears I’d been holding back all week hit the surface. And if I’m being honest, I had a moment, I don’t even know if I was sad, angry, exhausted or all of the above, where I felt a little let down by God. Why was our family getting hit so hard?

No one likes a tough season. When you get the bad news or something happens, I don’t know anyone who is thankful or says “I’m so glad to be going through this.” When I see my kids facing the hard things in life, when they’re struggling and going through it, it’s so much harder than going through something myself. I can tell them it’s going to be ok, but they don’t know that yet. I can tell them how much God loves them, how God will use absolutely everything they’re experiencing, that He is unwaveringly for them, but they don’t know that yet either. God is allowing, what I heard beautifully described last week as a “velvet vice of circumstances” to get their attention. 

God cares about our souls. He knows how empty the things we often value in this world are. He knows when we’re on a path that will hurt us, that will take us in a direction that is not for our good. That’s when the velvet vice of circumstances begins. I distinctly remember not only my velvet vice moment but also when the vice turned into what felt like a sledgehammer (it’s what happens if you’re not paying attention/listening/or happen to be particularly stubborn as was my case). At the start, God tapped me lovingly on the shoulder saying, “hey sweetie, this isn’t good.”. I didn’t listen, kept living my life, focused on the things of this world. As my marriage headed into trouble, God tapping me again “hey sweetie, are you noticing things are getting worse? Why don’t we talk about it?”. Me, oblivious to the tap, in denial and trusting my marriage was going to be ok. Still not changing my ways. As things worsened significantly, God lovingly placing his hands on my shoulders “sweetie, I know you’re hurting, but there’s more to this than you realize. You’re more lost than you realize. I want to free you of the things you’re holding onto that aren’t good for you.”  

My loving, unwaveringly faithful, and powerful God, allowed me to experience what felt like crushing, significant loss in all I held dear. Relationships, job, friends, health. Brokenness, both in how I was living and what I was experiencing. Deep agonizing pain, as I turned to him and trusted him, led to new life, purpose, joy. Joy, unlike anything I’d ever known or experienced. As my children are going through their own velvet vices of circumstance now, this is the truth I’m holding onto. Who God is. What he does with our pain and circumstances. How the dark and difficult pain, in God’s hands, is not the end. It is not where we stay. It is a transition point and a new beginning. “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19) 

Friends, is there something you’re experiencing, something painful that is hurting you? Would you be willing to sit with God and ask him about it? I encourage you to carve out some quiet time. Bring that situation to God. Take the above verse and see where God is drawing your eye. What words seem to stand out? From there, ask him about those words. “God, what is it you’re telling me? What do you want me to know?” 

The transition from pain to peace only begins when you invite God into it. Allow him to speak to you, to speak to your heart, to show you what new thing he’s doing and the way he’s making for you in the wilderness.

If we can be praying for you, please know we’d be honored to do so. Simply email blog@calvarylg.com.

Blessing you with new life, new hope, peace and joy in our Lord and Savior Jesus. 

Wrestling

In my life are many people I love who either do not believe in God or Jesus or are struggling with their faith in Jesus. Many of their questions and doubts have to do with pain they’ve experienced in their lives. How could a good God let bad things happen? Where was God? Why didn’t he answer their prayers? If I’m being honest, the people I get asked these questions from most often are my children. I’ll tell you the hardest part about answering their questions. It’s that my answers won’t satisfy the questions they’re asking in their hearts. They are wrestling with God. 

Wrestling with God is something I strongly encourage. When I hear my children questioning their faith, who God is, struggling with either how God hasn’t answered their prayer or allowed something bad to happen, I encourage them to keep processing it with the Lord. To pray and dig into the bible and see what God’s written word says. To spend time with Jesus and ask the hard questions. I let them know God is not afraid of our questions. He is not caught off guard. He knows what’s in our hearts. (Psalm 139:1-4) He is not offended. He is a loving Father who loves your honesty, who wants to comfort your broken heart, who wants to heal your pain, who wants to speak truth and love and hope over you.

What I discourage, is pushing those wrestling thoughts to the back of our minds for another day. If we don’t wrestle it out with God, ask the questions, seek Him in it, we won’t get the answers our hearts are seeking. We end up keeping the pain, the hurt, the frustration, the anger and pushing off what God is offering – his peace, his healing, his comfort, his restoration. Friends, I’ll be honest. When I’m hurting, when I don’t understand, when I go to God with the pain my family or I am experiencing, rarely is God giving me an explanation of why. And honestly, knowing why isn’t all that helpful. More than why, I need to know what. What do I do? How do I get through? I need direction. I need guidance. And most of all, I need his comfort and love. I need the King of kings. I need the Creator. I need my Heavenly Father, who knows how every story ends. Whose ways are very different than my own and always better. I need God to speak to my heart and let me know it’s going to be ok.

The wrestling, if we press in, it leads to understanding. Understanding who God is. That he is for you. That he loves you. It often leads to surrender and exchange. Surrendering pain. Surrendering anger. Surrendering control. He exchanges it for healing, freedom, hope and peace that exceeds circumstance. (Philippians 4:6) I encourage you, whatever you’re wrestling with, questioning His presence in, seeking answers for why it’s happening or has happened and what to do, press in. Set aside time in your day to spend with him. Just as you would hold time in your calendar for a friend or an appointment, hold that time for Jesus. Find a quiet space. A practical step you can take before this time, look up bible verses that have to do with where your heart is at. If you aren’t certain where to start, I encourage you to go to a site called BibleProject that can be found here. They have recommended readings by topics and allow you to see what God’s word says about issues you may be wrestling with.

From there, spend time with Jesus. You can talk to him as you’d talk to a friend. Share what you’re feeling. If you’re asking him questions, allow space and time for him to respond. Oftentimes the first response you hear (before your mind takes over) is the voice of God speaking to you. 

I am praying for you. If we can be praying for you specifically, if you’d like us to pray over the are you’re wrestling with God over, please know we’d be honored to do so. Simply email blog@calvarylg.com.

Blessing you with comfort, healing, hope and peace.

Freedom

I heard something today that stopped me in my tracks. One of those moments when you hear something that speaks to your heart so loudly, you can’t help but take a minute and let it sink in. It was from a gentleman by the name of Dan Dougherty and he said:

When you are completely authentic, you have nothing to hide

When you are broken, you have nothing to prove

When you’re connected to Jesus, you have nothing to lose

He had been telling a story from the bible referred to as “the woman at the well”. The abbreviated version of the story is a woman, who was looked down on by others, an outcast in society, was getting water from a well in the middle of the day. It was the hottest part of the day and she went there at that time to avoid running into others. Jesus met her there. She had an encounter with Him, she experienced Jesus, and the shame she felt about her life, it was gone. In fact, after speaking with Jesus she ran back to town and told everyone about her encounter with him and how “He told me everything I ever did.” (John 4:39)

This makes me smile and shake my head in that joyful disbelief kind of way. This is Jesus. Jesus brings freedom. The kind of freedom where the things that for years, decades, even lifetimes, that keep you emotionally captive, hurting, ashamed, are broken off. That experience or those feelings you didn’t want anyone to know about, all of a sudden become a story you freely share with others because of the healing and freedom Jesus brings to it.

I remember when I was going through my divorce, I was deeply ashamed. My husband choosing another, closing the chapter of our life together, it left me feeling embarrassed, unloved, not good enough. So much so that I didn’t tell my family for nearly 6 months. It wasn’t until my dad came over unexpectedly and found my ex-husband physically moving his belongings out of our home that the truth was revealed. That time of my life, once filled with so much darkness and pain, has now become one of the experiences I’m most thankful for. Why? Because it’s what brought me to Jesus. 

I knew about Jesus, but I didn’t know Jesus. I was just living my life and Jesus was someone who existed but wasn’t a key figure in my life. In that life, there were things I was hiding. My hurt, my pain, my shame, my failings. I was trying to prove my value – in my marriage, in my job, as a mom. I felt I had everything to lose and was actually losing it. My marriage, my job, my future plans, the life I’d known and loved. Then Jesus came on the scene. He came into my heart, into my life, and I’ll never be the same. 

When you experience the love of Jesus, when you invite him in, you will experience freedom. You will experience healing. You will experience peace that defies circumstance. Jesus really does flip all the things of this world on its head. Brokenness is made whole. Shame and regret are now forgiven and free. With Jesus, there is nothing to lose. Well, except those things you never wanted to hold onto anyway. 

What is it that you’re carrying? What pain, wound, worry is weighing you down? Would you be willing to invite Jesus in to take it from you? Will you pray with me, right now, and invite him in? A prayer we can pray together:

Jesus, I want to know you. I want to experience the healing, freedom and peace you make possible. Will you take _____ (tell him what it is you want him to take) from me and come into my life? Help me to know you, experience you, walk with you. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

I encourage you to spend time with Jesus. In getting to know him and spending time with him, you will experience the fullness of him and a life with him. I promise it’s so much better than Netflix! For practical, simple ways to do this, I encourage you to click here.

Blessing you with healing, joy, peace and freedom in Jesus.

Today Years Old

Have you ever had that moment when a realization hits you hard and you’re suddenly aware you’ve been doing something all wrong for too long? There were a few last year when those quirky “I was today years old when I learned…” memes went viral, and I learned I’d been closing cereal boxes and cracking eggs wrong my entire life. This week I had one that carried so much more weight. One of our kids in high school has a workload typical for a Silicon Valley teenager – insane. He’s working close to 50 hours a week on school just to get his assignments done. I was in my car, letting my mind wander, when I was reminded of the evening before. Because of my son’s schoolwork, we had skipped our family time reading the Bible and praying so he could finish his homework. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. What was I teaching my child?

Many of you know my stories. There’s been a fair amount packed into the last 40+ years. It’s a broken life living in a broken world. I don’t know what it is in our human nature that when we look back the hard times stand out before the joyful ones. When I look back and I reflect on my rock bottoms, those life moments where you’re so hurt you can’t imagine ever feeling whole or happy again, or you’re so worried you don’t know how you’re going to make it through what you’re facing, those moments come to mind. 

Of the top 5 life stressors, death of a loved one, divorce, moving, major illness or injury, job loss, I score somewhere around 4.5. The darkest moments were those where I had zero control. There was nothing I could do to fix it. I was helpless in my own strength. The one thing, the only thing that got me through, was God. Clinging to him knowing I had no answers, but I had him. I went to him. I cried out to him. I begged him. Not because I needed to beg him for help, but because I was so scared and sad, I needed to pour out my human heart to the one who never left my side, listened intently to every word, who was catching my every tear. Those dark moments, knowing God, that’s what got me through. I knew I could trust that while there was nothing I could do, there was nothing he couldn’t do.

As a parent, you want to teach your children what matters. You want to protect them. You want them to know the truth – that the things of this world will not fulfill them. You want them to have hope. To know that no matter what pain or heartbreak they experience in this world, there is hope. That hope, that singular hope, is Jesus. I want my kids to know that hope. To know deep in the very core of who they are, when life feels hopeless, to lift their eyes to Jesus. To know that Jesus is for them, loves them beyond their understanding, that He. Will. See. Them. Through.. 

I want this for you. It’s the reason I write week after week. I want you to know the hope and love of Jesus. If even one of you draws nearer to Jesus, that will be worth every experience I’ve walked through. I mean that with all my heart. Jesus LOVES you. He wants to take your pain, worries, heartbreak and bring you healing, freedom, peace, joy. 

If you don’t know Jesus, will you do me a favor and click here? You can learn more about Jesus and if you don’t have a Bible, we would love to send one to you. If you do know Jesus, I pray you’ve been encouraged to carve out more time with him. To put him first. To draw nearer to Him and allow Him to bring even more of His beautiful light into your life.

I’m praying for you my friends. Praying you are filled with the awe and wonder and joy of Jesus.

Cameras

If you’ve read even two of these blog posts, you will have heard me mention the peace and hope of Jesus. That what Jesus offers is peace. But if my life were a reality show, if there were cameras that aired my day-to-day, no one would say “now that’s a peaceful life”. You would see life. Worry, fear, anger, frustration, stress, tears. You might think, this girl is full of it. What a hypocrite. She talks about Jesus. She talks about the peace and hope she has. Then how do you explain the tears? How do you explain the anger at that situation? What about that fear? How can she be scared when she says there isn’t fear with Jesus? Seems like she’s selling something she can’t back up.

What cameras would have shown you this week was a serious conversation with my husband about my health. From the outside, I imagine you would have spotted the underlying fear before I was able to recognize it. June is the month my battery of exams resumes. Blood work, ultrasounds, test results. The thoughts in my mind…what if cancer is already in my body? What if it formed in the last year and has already spread? What if I need to have surgery? What if the tests are inclusive? What are the dangers if we wait another six months before we do something? The questions are real. The fear that rose inside as my mind processed each question; that fear was real. Knowing Jesus, trusting Jesus, didn’t stop the questions from coming or the fear from rising. But it did change what happened next.

As I sat there, tears welling, fears rising, I intentionally set my mind on Jesus. The first thought, how often the Bible says “do not fear”. It’s the most repeated command in the Bible. It’s written again and again as encouragement. To remind us we will feel fear in this world, but we can trust him. That whatever we face, God will see us through. As my mind went through the various scenarios of the potential outcomes, I reminded myself of who Jesus is. He is my comforter, my counselor. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, Isaiah 6:9). That when we’re faced with a decision, Jesus is there to offer guidance. That when I’m faced with those feelings of fear, Jesus is there to bring his comfort. That in the very moment I was in, feeling the weight of the unknowns and what’s up ahead, Jesus was there, in that same moment, to take those fears and bring me peace.

The peace I speak of, it’s not this removed from the realities and pain of this world state of mind that just exists because I believe in Jesus. What it is, is a relationship. It’s someone I go to, bring my problems to, bring my decisions to, who guides me, comforts me, lets me know that whatever it is, he loves me and it’s going to be ok. It’s 24/7 access to the wisest, most loving, most powerful being in this world who also happens to be our Father. Who is available at any moment to be there for us. Whose compassion and whose love are unmatched. 

The reality is Jesus is with us. He’s with me and He’s with you, right at this very moment. But, here’s the catch and I will openly admit there is a catch. As I sat worried about my situation, Jesus didn’t just bring me peace. It involved action on my end. I needed to go to him. Oh, and how He met me in that moment. He brought me his peace letting me know that regardless of what is ahead, He’s got me. And that as I continue in this life, whatever happens, He will always be there and will always see me through. 

If I don’t go to Jesus, the peace doesn’t happen. It’s honestly that simple. We need to go to him. We need to seek Him and invite Him into our lives. The love Jesus has for us, His indescribable, immeasurable love, is available for each and every one of us. Right now, as you sit there reading, Jesus is with you. He wants you to know His love for you. He wants you to lift your eyes to Him. Invite Him into your life and to what you’re facing. Will you do that? A simple prayer you can pray:

Jesus, I invite you in. Into my heart, into my life. Help me to know you, depend on you, seek you, and hear you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If you’ve never given your life to Jesus, I encourage you to visit here. If you know Jesus and want to go deeper in your relationship, I encourage you to visit here. If we can be praying for you, we’d be honored to do so. Simply email blog@calvarylg.com. Whether you write a request or not, please know I am praying for you.

Blessing you with His peace, His presence and knowing how deeply you’re loved.

Identity

Hi friends. Today I’d like to start off with some reader participation. I’d like you to take a quick moment and answer the following question:

Who are you?

Now for those who skipped past the question and kept reading, I encourage you to pause and really answer it. How would you answer if someone you didn’t know asked? Would you answer with what you do for a living? Your hobby? Your relationship to others (spouse, parent, etc.)?

How I’ve answered that question has changed significantly over the years. I used to answer based on my job. It stayed that way for quite some time until I became a mom. Then that was my identity. I added to it when I became a runner. If you know a runner then you know, for reasons unknown we proudly state we’re runners. (What it really means is we have messed up feet and strong opinions on the best running shoes.) Those were my identities. I was “mom, runner, marketer”. Here’s the downside to how I defined myself. I could never measure up. I always felt I was lacking someway, somehow.

In my job there were actual performance reviews where the focus seemed to be all the areas I was lacking. As a mom - my own performance report of where I’d fallen short. I didn’t do enough crafts with my kids, wasn’t as patient as I’d like to be, not as fun, not as kind, not as…insert hundreds of ways I felt I didn’t measure up. Even as a runner – what was my speed, how far did I run, how many days. In every area where I defined who I was, it always left me lacking. Unworthy. Not good enough. 

What changed everything, was when my identity was realized in who I belong to. There was a tangible shift when I went from being someone who believed in Jesus to being someone who belonged to Jesus. Who was chosen by Jesus. Who is a child of God. It takes more than head knowledge of those things for a shift to occur. I imagine you know plenty of people who believe in Jesus but feel unworthy or badly about themselves.

It’s letting the truth of what it means to be a child of God sink into the very depths of who we are, who we believe ourselves to be, when the shift begins to occur. When I allow the truth of who I belong to, to rule and guide my life, all the unworthiness, the “not good enoughs”, the shame, regret, defeat, failings of my life, they’re washed clean. Jesus redefines them. 

Unworthy is now chosen, known, loved

Regret is now redeemed

Shame is now forgiven, wiped clean, made new

Broken is now whole

Hurt is now healed

Never enough is now child of the King

This is what Jesus does. It’s not just an idea or theory. It’s tangible. Thoughts, emotions, how we feel about ourselves, how we view others, it can all shift as we are made new and know who we are in Jesus.

The first step is to accept Jesus into your life. Without Jesus none of this is possible. It’s through Jesus we are forgiven for our sins. It’s through Jesus we are made new. Through Jesus we can become healed, whole, a child of the King. If you don’t know Jesus, I encourage you to click here and begin your relationship with him.

For those who have accepted Jesus into your life but still feel lacking, hurt, unworthy, I encourage you to press into your relationship with Jesus. You can go to church every Sunday for decades and not know Jesus, not have a relationship with him. I say that from experience as that was me. It was when I got to know him by spending time with him, that’s when everything changed. I encourage you to start by reading the Bible. Set a tangible goal for yourself. Every morning – 5 minutes a day. If you’re not sure where to start, I’ve got you covered – it’s a reading plan on the Gospel of John by the BibleProject. You can find it online here. For a book to read on the personality of Jesus, I recommend “Beautiful Outlaw” by John Eldridge. It’s awesome and you can find it on Amazon & Audible here.

I can’t encourage you enough to press into building your relationship with Jesus and knowing who you are in Jesus. It will transform your life in ways you can’t imagine. If Jesus had already transformed your life, I’d love to hear about it! Simply email blog@calvarylg.com and we’d love to hear your story!

Blessing you all with joy, peace, and knowing who you are in Jesus.

Near

When I was 17, there was a separation of marriage, suicide attempt, and job transfer in my small family of four. The three events in fairly close succession, led to me living alone for a year. I was cared for financially and certainly had people watching out for me, but it was a year that stands out when I look back. My family life, to state the obvious, was a mess. I felt trapped in the middle of a disaster of a situation I couldn’t escape. Darkness was swirling around me. Each member of our family hurting in their own way, operating out of their wounds, no one really able to take care of the other. In my mind I can still see the flashing lights of the fire truck on my garage door the night of the suicide attempt. As I sat in the front seat of the car waiting to be taken to a family friend’s house for the night, I remember feeling many things, but mostly what I felt was relief. That as bad as it was, the situation could no longer be ignored, and something would have to change. 

There’s so much that can be unpacked from that one paragraph. How life often gets worse before it gets better. How hurt people hurt people. How we have a real enemy whose goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10) But as I sit here now, looking back, what I remember most about that time is the year living alone. The apartment that felt still. It felt peaceful. Most of all it felt full. But how could that be? With minimal furniture and a small teenage girl as the only resident, how could it be full? God. The presence of a God who drew near in a time when it would seem I was very much alone.

Friends, I wasn’t walking with God at the time. I believed in him but that was about it. I wasn’t going to church. I wasn’t reading the bible. I wasn’t in relationship with God, not as I now know relationship to be. And yet, I remember feeling God with me. I remember distinctly, walking around the apartment one night, processing my feelings and just walking around, feeling I wasn’t alone in the best possible way. I felt him watching over me. I had a deep sense of knowing, as I whispered my prayers asking him to keep me safe, that he was there and was doing just that.

I want you to know, whatever it is you’re facing, whatever burden you’re carrying, if there’s a wound from your past that seems to still be something that haunts or hurts you, God is there. God has always been there. Even if it felt like he wasn’t. God loves you – more than you can possibly imagine. Healing, freedom, peace…it begins with accepting his love. I’m going to ask you to do something that may feel out of your comfort zone. Right now, wherever you’re at, I’d like you to open both of your hands, palms facing upward, as you read the prayer below. It is a prayer inviting God’s love to come into your life.

God, I accept your love. I want to be whole, healed, feel peace despite what I’m facing. Will you meet me here today? Will you fill my heart with who you are? In Jesus’ name, Amen.  

God is love. He loves you so much. I encourage you to seek Him today. Lift your eyes to the God who never leaves, who never fails, who not only loves you but will save you. 

Praying blessings of surrender, healing, love and eternal hope in Jesus. 

Lifeline

Friends, before you start reading, I’d like to pray over you. Is that ok? 

Heavenly Father, thank you for who you are. Thank you for the son and daughter who is reading this. In Jesus name, I bless them with knowing how much you love them, with feeling the joy of your presence, with healing and hope and peace. I bless them with hearing your voice and walking in the confident hope and peace that they are loved and known by you, more deeply and fully, than they could ever imagineove. In your son’s mighty name I pray, Amen.

Friends, I pray you are well. I pray your life is in a season of joy. I have to be honest. For nearly all those I know, it’s been a really tough season. We had all hoped it would get lighter and easier with the new year, and yet the opposite seems to be true. My friends who don’t believe in Jesus? They’re having a hard time. My friends who do believe in Jesus? They’re having a hard time. Knowing Jesus doesn’t mean your life will be easy. In fact, Jesus tells us with absolute certainty, we will have trouble. He couldn’t be more direct when he said it. “In this world you will have trouble.” (John 16:33) My kids and I talk about this all the time. If life is hard with Jesus, then what’s the point?  

My response to them, life is hard no matter what. Without Jesus, I don’t know that I’d still be standing. I really don’t. There’s no one who can take the shame of my mistakes, a bad day, my wrong choices, and make them right. Just yesterday as I was in the midst of my workday, I suddenly felt overcome with thoughts of how awful of a person I am. That I was letting others down, wasn’t doing enough. The thoughts seemed to come out of nowhere but there was such weight and sadness to them. Unworthy is the word that comes to mind. Needing truth and not wanting to sit in sadness, I went to Jesus. Before the word “Jesus…” had even come out of my mouth, I heard Jesus speak to my heart.

The Bible tells us “your Father knows what you need before you ask”. (Matthew 6:8). Jesus was waiting for me to come to him. He wanted me to know who I was in his eyes. How he sees me. His love over me. Nothing stops a lie from the enemy faster than the truth from Jesus. In my mind I know I’m not an awful person. The thing is, when the enemy attacks, negative thoughts can feel like your own and they can feel like truth. My mind was in a battle with my emotions, my emotions were winning, and I was hurting. Then came Jesus.

Friends, for as long as God gives me breath, I will continue to encourage you to press into your relationship and hear the voice of God. It will change every day of your life. There is nothing that compares to hearing God speak to you. When He speaks, lives change. Our thoughts change. The lies the enemy tries to speak get shut down. God is love. God is truth. He is for you. He wants to speak to you, to tell you how much he loves you. Whatever you are facing, whatever hurts you’ve experienced, friends, God will take it all. He will speak to you, take your wounds and heal you, free you. Bring you hope where you feel despair. Bring you truth where you may be hearing lies. Bring you freedom where you feel held captive. With Him, there is hope. There is love. There is freedom from shame and regret. There is certain hope every day. No matter how dark it is, there is a lifeline, a means of escape from whatever it is you’re facing. I encourage you to pause and reflect, what is your lifeline? What are you holding on to to get you through? Is what you’re trusting in freeing you from negative thoughts? Are there things from your past or present causing you fear or pain? What if you gave it all to Jesus? 

I encourage you to meet him in prayer, right now. A simple prayer you can pray:

Heavenly Father, you know every part of me, my thoughts, my heart, my worries, my fears. Will you show me what I’m carrying that you want me to give to you? What do you want me to know? 

I encourage you to write down what you hear. If you want to accept Jesus into your heart and life, I encourage you to click here, right now. Jesus wants to come into your life, take your pain, give you hope and peace. If you have questions, would like more resources on hearing the voice of God, or if I can be praying for you, simply email blog@calvarylg.com.

Blessing you with knowing how deeply loved you are and hearing our Father’s voice of love speak over you.

Burdens

My friends, what is it that you’re carrying? I’d love for you to take a moment right now to pause and ask yourself the question. What burden am I carrying? 

…….

What was it that came up for you? Is it stress? Fatigue? Worry? Fear? Shame? Regrets? A lost relationship? A battle you’re fighting? 

I don’t know a soul who would argue that life is hard. That there is a cost that comes with living in this world. Things that weigh us down. Stress – a 50 lb weight on our shoulders. Heartache over a lost relationship, worry for your family, feeling unseen or unloved, a 200 lb weight. Fear and shame? More weight. It can be so hard to do life carrying around all that weight. Smiles can feel small or forced. Happiness short-lived. Hope feels distant and out of reach. We can’t live the lives we were meant to live carrying around this weight. 

Friends, we are not meant to carry this weight. Is the weight real? Yes. But there is a way out. There is certain hope available. There is someone who is with you right now, whose love for you is impossible to comprehend, who sees every part of who you are and LOVES you. There is no shame. There is no regret. There is not one moment of your life when He’s been separated from you. He is the way out from the pain. He is the truth. He is life. He is able to take all the weight you’re carrying and effortlessly remove it from your shoulders. More than able, it’s his desire to take the weight. To carry the burdens you’re carrying that you were never meant to carry.

I say all of this to you not as someone who simply believes in Jesus. I say this to you as someone who has experienced the healing, restoration, wholeness, and joy of Jesus. He has brought healing to my deepest wounds. He has taken my shame and regrets and told me not only am I forgiven, but I am precious to Him. He does not hold my mistakes against me. He gives me absolute, permanent hope. That no matter how dark things may look, I just need to lift my eyes to him, go to him, and he will take it. Friends you are precious to him. His heart breaks for the pain and weight you’re carrying. He wants so desperately to take it from you. Will you let him? 

For those who don’t know Jesus, accepting him into your life is the first step. Will you take a moment, right now, and simply click here to take this step? Inviting Jesus into your life will be the best thing you do today, or ever for that matter, I promise you. 

For those who know Jesus and are carrying burdens, friends what if we all gave them to Jesus today? Whether it’s a 5 lb weight or 200 lbs, Jesus wants us to go to Him, to trust Him, to give him what we’re carrying and watch what he does for us in return. He will bring light to the darkness. He will bring hope where there was fear. He will bring peace where there was worry. Even if the circumstances haven’t changed, Jesus can change how we see and feel about it. We have the gift of having the most amazing, giving, loving, powerful God. Nothing is out of his hands or reach. He does the impossible. Let’s let him do what may feel impossible in our eyes. Take all that we’re carrying and let us be witnesses to His life changing peace, hope, power, goodness.

I encourage you, right now, to go to him in prayer. In your own words give him what you’re carrying and ask him what he wants to give you in return. Rest in His presence and His love. I am praying for you all. May you be blessed with feeling His all-consuming love for you. 

Power of Prayer

In our backyard we have a concrete square in the back corner just big enough for two lounge chairs. My husband and I have claimed the space as ours. (Sorry kids. Well, not really.) One of our favorite things to do is lie on the lounge chairs and relax in the sun. One day we were out there enjoying the sunshine. My eyes were closed enjoying the warmth of the sun and my husband went inside to grab a drink of water. All of a sudden, I heard what sounded like a helicopter incredibly close by and a shadow seemed to appear and block the sun. I opened my eyes and felt an instant surge of terror. The helicopter noise and shadow? A swarm of bees. Above me. In front of me. Around every part of me. I could not move. I had never seen anything like it and don’t know if I’ve ever felt fear like that. My husband opened the door from across the yard, saw what was happening, and yelled for me to come in but I couldn’t move. While our human instincts are fight or flight, I found myself unable to do either. Everywhere I looked were hundreds and hundreds of bees. I found out later the average swarm can number over 10,000. What I saw was a wall of black everywhere. I was surrounded and trapped. I made myself as small as possible and did the only thing I could think to do, I prayed. I pulled my legs into my chest, wrapped my arms around them, lowered my head with my eyes closed and prayed for Jesus to protect me. 

I don’t know how much time passed while I was curled into a ball and praying, but seemingly as quickly as they appeared, they were gone. I sat there stunned looking at a now clear sky, still feeling my heart pounding in my chest, and realizing in utter amazement, it was over, and I was fine. Not one bee had actually touched my skin. 10,000 bees, complete darkness, and I had not been stung once. No longer having any interest in sitting outside that day, I grabbed my book and sprinted into the house. My husband and I stared at each other wide-eyed and in disbelief over what had happened. About an hour after the incident, I received a text from my friend Sandy who was checking in on me. Her text: “I’ve been praying since our call (the day prior) into the night and many times today. I hope you are safe.”

Friends, that’s Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit is God’s Spirit. God knew a swarm of bees was headed my way. His Spirit tugged on the heart of a friend and told her to start praying. My beautiful friend prayed for me for hours. There wasn’t a rationale reason for her to pray so urgently and unceasingly. She prayed because Holy Spirit told her to pray. Holy Spirit spoke by giving her a feeling of concern and burden to cover me. Holy Spirit and her prayers kept 10,000 bees from stinging me. God is all powerful. He alone could’ve prevented the bees from harming me. And he did but he chose to use my friend and her prayers to make that happen. God chooses to use us as his human partners to usher in His will, His blessings, His protection, His love. I don’t want to know what would’ve happened had my friend not stepped in and trusted the pull she felt to pray for me. 

God will use you if you let him. It takes faith, action, and a willing heart. I believe if you’re reading this, God is looking to use you right now. If you are new to learning about Holy Spirit, I encourage you to start here: calvarylg.com/Jesus. For those who have accepted Jesus and have Holy Spirit in you, I encourage you to step into Holy Spirit’s promptings this week. A prayer you can pray:

Heavenly Father, thank you for sending your son Jesus and Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, I want to be guided by you and used by you. Will you show me if there’s someone you want me to pray for? Is there someone you’d like me to reach out to? Will you reveal to me what’s on your heart and how you’d like to use me today?

I encourage you to write down what you hear and step into Holy Spirit’s prompting. As you go through the week and someone comes to mind, I encourage you to pray, ask Holy Spirit if this is someone you’re being led to pray for, reach out to, encourage, and then take action. If you suddenly feel the pull to pray for someone, I encourage you to pray as you feel you’re being led. You may be the person Holy Spirit is using to bring God’s blessing, protection, hope, encouragement. If you have any questions or we can be praying for you, please don’t hesitate to reach out at blog@calvarylg.com.

Blessing you with feeling God’s love and presence, a deepening of your relationship with Him, and Holy Spirit working in and through you.

Power Within

Last week I shared my deep conviction I was meant to be a superhero. Granted, I was 5 years old at the time. And yet, I remember as clearly as if it were yesterday, the undeniable belief and knowledge there was a power deep within me I was meant to use. It was special, it was powerful, it was beyond what I could do in my own strength. I thought that power meant I was supposed to be Wonder Woman. What I know now, I was being called into something so much better. Beyond anything I could possibly imagine, greater than any dream, hope, ambition, desire. I was being invited into God’s presence. To know His Holy Spirit that dwells in me. It would take decades for me to understand who Holy Spirit is, the power of Holy Spirit, and that I was absolutely meant to use Holy Spirit’s power daily.

For those who may not have heard of Holy Spirit, it is God’s Spirit you receive when you accept Jesus. When we accept Jesus as our Savior, the Spirit of God comes upon us and lives in us. (Acts 2:38) For decades I honestly didn’t know who Holy Spirit was. I thought of it similar to an organ in my body. I knew it was in me, but I didn’t know its role, what it did, what it meant to have Holy Spirit inside of me. I wasn’t aware when I was going through a hard time and felt God’s comfort, that was Holy Spirit. When someone was put on my heart I hadn’t talked to in ages and felt the urge to reach out and check-in, that was Holy Spirit. When I was in a situation and had an unmistakable feeling I was not physically safe and needed to leave, Holy Spirit was guiding me and protecting me. 

I have friends I’ve shared these experiences with and have heard them respond saying those were simply my instincts. That it was just “me” and how did I know it was Holy Spirit. I’ve learned to identify Holy Spirit’s work and power in me as Holy Spirit does what I, on my own, could never do.  

His Spirit in me allows me to forgive what in my human perspective feels unforgivable

His Spirit in me that allows me to feel hope and peace in the midst of horrible circumstances 

His Spirit in me that guides me. Guiding me to forgive when I want to stay angry, to give when I want to take, to be kind and loving to those who’ve offended and hurt me

His Spirit in me that speaks – prompting me to pray for others and prompting me to take action

His Spirit in me that heals – praying physical healing over someone and witnessing the person healed 

Friends, I could do none of that in my own strength. Only Holy Spirit in me makes that possible. Holy Spirit is alive and active today. But it takes learning to recognize Holy Spirit and responding to Holy Spirit to grow in your relationship and regularly experience Holy Spirit’s presence and power. I learned to recognize Holy Spirit in me when I would have seemingly random urges to reach out to someone and share a note of encouragement. A person would come to mind, and I would feel the need to reach out and check-in, often times with a song for them to listen to. Time and time again I would receive immediate responses with “How did you know?” or “This was just what I needed to hear.” I learned Holy Spirit was guiding me and using me to bring encouragement and comfort to others. There was no possible way for me to know someone I hadn’t spoken to in months was going through a hard time. But Holy Spirit knew. The more I stepped into those seemingly random urges to share a note of encouragement, song, or check-in, the more promptings I received from Holy Spirit, and the more my confidence grew in hearing Holy Spirit.

It’s hard to describe how it feels when Holy Spirit is guiding and actively using you for God’s purposes. It is pure joy. It’s awe and wonder. God’s Spirit, in us, speaking, guiding, blessing us and others. It’s so beautiful and powerful. For those who don’t know Jesus and want to know more, if you want to receive Him as your Savior and receive Holy Spirit, I encourage you to visit calvarylg.com/Jesus. For those who have Holy Spirit in you, I encourage you to step into Holy Spirit’s promptings this week. A prayer you can pray:

Heavenly Father, thank you for sending your son Jesus and Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, I want to be guided by you and used by you. Will you show me if there’s someone you want me to reach out to? Is there a word of encouragement you’d like me to share? A verse or a song?

I encourage you to write down what you hear and share it with the person. As you go through the week and someone comes to mind, I encourage you to pray, ask Holy Spirit if this is someone you’re being led to reach out to and encourage, and then take action. You may be the person Holy Spirit is using to bring just the right word of encouragement at just the right time.

Blessing you with an overflow of God’s presence, Holy Spirit working in and through you, joy and peace.

Calling & Power

Friends, I’m going to share a moment from my childhood that will give you great insight into my personality. When I was 5, Wonder Woman was my hero. I was obsessed. So much so that when I would get in trouble, my mom would take away watching it on TV as my punishment. To date myself, back then we had what were called underoos. They were superhero costumes/pajamas. Now, in my mind I was convinced I was in fact Wonder Woman. I will never forget standing in my bedroom, underoos on, my boots on, and getting ready to spin to be transformed into the actual Wonder Woman. There was not a doubt in my mind that when I stopped spinning in my circle, I would in fact be her. I would have my lasso of truth, get on my invisible jet and handle whatever business came my way. I spun and I spun, so filled with anticipation of what would happen when I stopped. When I finally did, I looked down and friends, the disappointment. I saw my plain old boots, my lame underoos, no lasso of truth, and was horrified. Then I was angry. How could I not be Wonder Woman?? 

The conviction that there was an assignment on my life and a power deep within me I hadn’t yet tapped into, friends what I was feeling was true. At age 5, I could feel it, I believed it, I just didn’t know what it was. I can imagine God watching me as I stood in my room, smiling at the spunky child he created, and thinking “Just wait little one. You’ll understand soon enough.” There is a purpose God has for your life. It is unique to you. There are gifts placed inside of you that God has given, to equip you for the plans He has for your life. What’s amazing is the calling God has on your life, there’s no one else who can do it. It is truly unique to you, how He made you, where He has placed you. God wants to use you. The question is, do you want to be used by God? And if so, I imagine the next question is, where do I begin?

Whether or not you know Jesus, to learn the assignment God has for your life, it begins with a relationship with God. That relationship comes from reading the Bible, spending time in prayer, and learning to hear God’s voice. I realize that may sound like work and might even sound terribly boring to some. Friends, I used to think it was boring. Prayer was me telling God what I wanted. Reading the Bible felt like homework where I read a certain number of chapters and moved on with my day. It wasn’t until I realized God speaks – through his word and in prayer, that things started to get very exciting. Prayer became a conversation with God. With God!! It still blows my mind that God speaks to us but friends, with all that I am I promise it’s true. He will speak to you. Reading the Bible became a conversation starter with God. He would draw my eye to a word or phrase, I would ask Him about it, and He would reveal what was on His heart and what He wanted me to know.

I remember the first time God revealed an assignment He had for my life. I was on a run and God was bringing my attention to the fact I was physically running all over my city, multiple times a week. Each week, hours were being spent physically covering my city. What would happen if I used that time in prayer to pray over the city? How many people could be prayed over? How many people were hurting or struggling and could be blessed with his peace, comfort, presence? As I continued to think about it, I found myself getting more excited. I knew God was behind it. As I asked him about it, He confirmed, “Yes, I am calling you to pray over the cities I place you in.”. As I stepped into the assignment, God revealed gifting He placed in me to help me be more effective as I prayed and ran over my city. He has been steadily teaching me more and more each year and I’ve seen evidence of God answering those prayers. I don’t have words for how humbling, inspiring and fulfilling it is to partner with God for something He is calling you to do. He doesn’t need us, but he chooses to use us if we let him. When you see Him answer prayers he puts on your heart to pray, it’s always exciting, rewarding, powerful. Faith becomes so much more than believing. It’s a relationship. It’s active. It’s purposeful. It makes a lasso of truth and an invisible jet pale in comparison. 

If you find yourself wanting to hear God’s voice and learn the assignment He has for your life, I encourage you to set aside 15 minutes each day and gradually work towards more. The time could look like:

-       5 minutes reading the Bible

-       5 minutes praying

-       5 minutes reading/learning to hear God’s voice

If you’re new to reading the Bible, I encourage you to start with the Gospel of Mark in the New Testament. If you don’t have a Bible and would like one, we’d love to give one to you. Simply email blog@calvarylg.com. As you read, underline the words or phrases that stand out to you as you read them. Take notes in the margin or get a journal to write in. We have a post on hearing God’s voice here that gives an example of how you can read and pray through a verse in the Bible. The time in prayer could be spent reflecting and asking God what He wants to reveal to you from that verse. I encourage you to write down the thoughts that come to mind, what you sense He’s speaking to you. From there, the last 5 minutes can be spent learning to hear how God speaks. A resource I found incredibly helpful is Brad Jersak’s book “Can you hear me?: Tuning in to the God who speaks”. 

Stay tuned next week as we get to part 2 where we unpack the power part of the conversation. In the meantime, I bless you with hearing from our Father and joy and adventure as you discover and live out the purpose He has for your life.

Happy "Accidents"

A few years ago, I started to experience some pain in my stomach. While noticeable, it wasn’t painful enough for me to feel I needed to do anything about it. A couple months went by and then I seemed to hurt my back somehow. I couldn’t point to a moment that triggered the back pain, but the muscles were seized, forcing my body to lean to one side. While it hurt to walk, I was most upset I wasn’t able to run. I realize that may sound weird. But running at that point in my life was a symbol of strength and survival. At the time, I had lost my marriage, I was figuring out how to be a single mom with three young boys and working a full-time job that was not supportive of single moms. I didn’t have a voice in what was happening in my personal life, and I was trying to hold on to what I could. So much was out of my control I was determined not to lose one more thing. 

After a week of not being able to run, I got myself in to the doctor. When the doc asked what was going on, I started with my back pain and then as an unimportant aside, I mentioned the stomach cramping. To my surprise the doctor had a simple recovery plan to resolve my back issue. The stomach pain was her concern, and she advised a follow-up with a specialist to figure out what was going on. I remember being surprised because truthfully, I just wanted to run again. The stomach thing was just something I mentioned since I was there. When I visited the specialist, he too was concerned. My symptoms, medical history, none of it added up. It was a mystery. He wasn’t a fan of mysteries so began running a number of tests. We’re talking all the things – blood work, ultrasounds, scopes. I was eventually diagnosed with bile reflux. What that meant was daily medication and a significant change in diet, both for the remainder of my life.

As a happy “accident”, during the testing, my doctor came across a precancerous polyp in my intestines. According to my doctor “it was in the worst place possible”. He said we were incredibly lucky to have found it. The test that discovered it isn’t normally run at that age and were it not for the stomach issue, we wouldn’t have found it until I was showing symptoms of cancer and by that time, because of the location, he believed it would have spread and been too late to do anything about it.

Fast forward one month from the diagnosis. I’m back at the doctor for a follow-up and we’re discussing my symptoms from the bile reflux. Except, I didn’t have any more symptoms. They were all gone. I walked out of his office no longer needing medication, something he had never seen with any of his patients. Were the symptoms being managed by diet? Nope. I was eating the same foods I was eating when the stomach pains began. It was a mystery to him. A happy outcome, but a mystery, nonetheless.

The next day I was out for a run and processing all that had happened. All of a sudden everything clicked into place. I saw God’s hand in all of it. The stomach pains were there to get me to the doctor so the precancer could be removed. I was ignoring the stomach pains so he allowed a back problem he knew would have me make an appointment to see the doctor and ultimately, get the precancer removed. He was looking out for me. Taking care of me. Allowing things to happen that were painful for a little while, but ultimately blessed me and in this case, saved my life. Now, could God have healed me in hundreds of different ways? Of course. He could have taken care of the precancer by just making it go away. He could have never allowed the precancer to form in the first place. I’ll be honest though, I’m so grateful for how it unfolded. It was a gift. As mentioned in a previous post, I have a number of medical conditions and three areas of my body that doctors actively monitor for cancer. And yet, I have no worries about any of them. I have complete peace.

God gave me a beautiful example, a happy “accident”, that takes away any fears with my health, that in truth takes away every fear I face in this life. He’s given me evidence of His love, His protection, His presence, His faithfulness. There’s a verse in the Bible, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8) Whenever I’m dealing with my medical issues, receive a less than stellar diagnosis, I remember how God has shown up in the past, who he is. He is our loving Father. He has shown his steadfast love in every moment of my life. The things that don’t make sense? The things that hurt or are scary? God’s got it. He takes the fear and pain and gives me his peace. Even when I’m in the middle of it. It doesn’t mean there aren’t moments of fear, but when they arise, I go to him, I give it to him in prayer, I talk to him about it. And he always gives me his peace.

I pray this is an encouragement. I pray you’ve been able to see God’s hand in the happy “accidents” of your life. Will you do an experiment with me? (I promise - I’m going to do it right after I finish writing this.) Let’s ask God to reveal an area that is a struggle in our lives and how he sees it. You can pray:

Jesus, I’m struggling with ____ (work, my relationship, anxiety, etc.). How do you want me to see it? What do you want me to know?

If entering into conversation with God is new to you or you feel you haven’t yet heard his voice, we have a post on learning to hear it here.

Blessing each of you with peace, joy, hope in Jesus, seeing God’s hand, feeling his presence and love for you.

Enemy Lies

Have you ever taken the love languages test? It’s a quiz that helps you identify how you naturally communicate love and how your loved ones, if they also take it, receive love. My natural way to express love is through words of encouragement, physical touch, and quality time. What that means to my boys…there hasn’t been a day we’ve spent together when they haven’t heard how much they’re loved or received hugs and affection. We have beautiful and playful disagreements over who loves the other more. While I have three boys who often roll their eyes at hearing how much I love them, I can also tell you statements I hear them say…

I suck

I’m terrible

No one wants me 

I’m damaged

Right now, as I write, I see an image of my son from the other day, his eyes filled with tears, head down as he confesses his hurt belief about himself “I suck. I’m terrible at everything.”. As a mom, this not only hurts my heart, but more than that, it makes me angry. While the boys fight with one another, these are not things they say to each other. These are not statements their father or I have ever said. They haven’t been to school in nearly a year so it’s not coming from peers. The kids are being fed vicious lies that hurt them, make them question their worth, make them doubt how loved they are. So where are the lies coming from?

It wasn’t until I had children that I realized how real, destructive, and relentless our enemy is. In the Bible we are warned “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” To devour is to destroy completely. The enemy is also compared to a thief whose goal is to seek, kill, destroy. (John 10:10). A third description of the enemy is “a murderer, who from the beginning had no truth in him…a liar who is the Father of lies.” (John 8:44) 

The last description tells us two things – the enemy speaks and what he speaks are lies - untrue statements intended to deceive and destroy. What makes these lies so destructive is that the lies begin before we’re even aware we’re being lied to. They often sound like thoughts in our minds. My youngest is ten. Something about this last year has led to an increase in the enemy’s attack of lies. If I could hazard a guess, the enemy leveraged the stress and challenges that have come with the pandemic and distance learning to double down on his attacks. And as much as my son hears from his parents how much he’s loved, it doesn’t prevent him from hearing the lies. As many of us have experienced, negative thoughts/statements, they hurt. And often they seem to stay with us throughout our lives. 

I share this with you because our enemy is relentless. It makes me furious that his lies so often go unnoticed. That people walk around in pain, believing terrible things about themselves that simply aren’t true. If you’re reading this, I believe there is purpose in it. That there may be a lie the enemy is trying to make you believe that isn’t true. Will you do this experiment with me? Take three minutes, right now. Whether or not you know Jesus, you can ask the following: 

Jesus, is there a lie from the enemy I have come to believe? Will you reveal what it is?

Write down what you hear. It may sound like your own voice or thought in your head. You might also see a word in your mind or even get a picture from a memory.

The next question to ask: Jesus, what is the truth you want me to know?

Write down what you hear. The voice of Jesus will only be positive. If you hear something negative, that is the enemy trying to lie again. If that’s the case, you can pray: Jesus, I only want to hear from you. Enemy you are not allowed to speak. Jesus, what is the truth you want me to know?”

Write down what you hear.

If there’s a lie you’ve come to believe, I’d like to you to take an additional step towards freedom and break agreement with the lie. A simple prayer you can pray:

I break agreement with the lie that I am _____. I agree with the truth Jesus revealed, that I am loved and I am ____. Thank you Jesus for revealing this truth. Amen.

While the world we live in is broken, we do not have to walk around in pain. We are not meant to. I pray you find truth and freedom in today’s experiment. I pray you continue to spot the enemy lies, shut them down, and hear Jesus speak his love and encouragement over you daily. If you’re interested in learning more about prayer or would like additional resources on hearing God’s voice, simply email blog@calvarylg.com.

Blessing you with truth, peace, hope and joy.

Flawed

Friends, I have a confession. I used to think I was a good person. What I’ve come to know is I’m not. The critical thoughts of others, judgment, impatience. Saying things that don’t need to be said. If I’m honest with myself and with you, who I am in my own right, my human nature, is deeply flawed and broken. 

This weekend I was determined not to say anything negative. I found myself tired of noticing things that bothered me. But it wasn’t just that I was noticing them, I was saying something about them. I would tell my husband. It could be something little about something in the house. With seven people sheltered-in-place, the little things have become much more noticeable. But as I said something critical, he would join in the conversation with me. Then we found both of ourselves fixated on the negative. Noticing it. Talking about it. And as we continued with this pattern we finally realized; things were getting worse not better. Our criticism, even if justified, never made anything better. It just made us more irritated.

So this weekend, I was determined not to give voice to criticism. Anything negative that came to mind I was adamant was going to stop as a thought or observation and go no further. It wasn’t about not saying it to the person who caused the offense. It was about not saying anything to anyone about it. And yet, the desire to give voice to it was powerfully real. The moment the criticism came to mind I wanted to speak it. The more I tried not to say anything, the more fixated that thought seemed to be in my head and the desire to complain about it felt greater and greater. There came a point where I physically had to cover my mouth with my hands to keep from saying it out loud. 

I was realizing quickly, in my own strength, I was losing even this tiny battle. While momentarily succeeding through gritted teeth and a hand covered mouth, the situation was still a mess. I hadn’t given voice to the criticism, but it was still holding my mind captive. So I did the only thing I could to make it better, I asked God for help. It wasn’t just a prayer of “please God, keep me from saying this!” (although believe me, those prayers were there). I needed God to speak into the situation. To change my point of view. My observations and criticisms were my own. It was about how I saw the situation, the person, and my response to it. 

I’ve learned to seek God’s input in what’s happening in my life. Even if it may seem too small to matter, I’ve come to learn there’s nothing too small (or too big) to bring God into. I used to think there were more important matters God needed to attend to than the small problems in my life. He lovingly corrected me, reminding me he was not human and did not have the limited resources we as humans have. That bringing my situations to him was always welcome, so he could bring His light and truth into all aspects of my life. The questions I asked and what I felt him speak to my heart are below.

God, how do you see this person?

My loving son. He’s feeling stressed and struggling with rejection. 

God, what do you want me to know about this situation?

He needs encouragement. 

God, what do you want me to do?

Forgive the offense. Pray a blessing of peace over him and a blessing for him to know how much I love him and see him. Give him a hug and tell him something you love about him.

Immediately after this prayer and conversation with God, I felt my perspective shift. The irritation? Gone. Clenched teeth? Relaxed. What remained were feelings of love and peace. And a wonderful action item. As I mentioned at the start, how I see things, how I respond to things in my human nature, they are deeply flawed and broken. But when I ask God for help, when I look to God to show me how He sees the situation and what He wants me to do, I become the best version of myself. And because God is who God is, He doesn’t stop there. He blesses me with taking that frustration, taking that negative thought I felt desperate to communicate, and removes it, allowing me to step into the action he’s guided me to take. He brings me peace and moves me along to better things.  

If hearing God’s voice is new to you, we have a post about how you can begin hearing his voice here. My encouragement to you, whatever situation you find yourself in, if you’re feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed, ask God to speak into it. To tell you how He sees it and what He wants you to do. It will be the best advice you can get. 

Blessing you with grace, peace, and conversations with our Father.

Prison Walls

So often it feels as though no one can understand our pain. Our fears. Our worries. Our grief. When we’re going through something, those closest to us with the best of intentions, will often try and give a solution or tell you they understand. And yet, does it ever feel that way? If we’re lucky enough to have someone journey with us through pain, even then, they’re limited in what they can actually do. At best they can listen and be there to check-in and let us know we’re not alone. That is a precious gift and those are people to hold near and dear. Even with the gift of that support, we’re still left seemingly alone. When the phone call or visit comes to an end, when the text exchange is done, there’s that moment when the realization hits, what we’re facing hasn’t changed. The pain, heartbreak, anger, hurt, loss, fear, worry. It’s still there isn’t it?

The pain we experience, it seems there’s a weight to it. We can feel it on top of us, trying to consume all that we are. Our time, our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, our reactions. The pain becomes a prison. Prison of addiction. Prison of broken relationships. Prison of repeated mistakes. Prison of anger and unforgiveness. Prison of shame and regret. Prison of hurt. What breaks my heart, is that so many of us, myself included for too many years, we live this way. We carry this weight and live in these prisons not knowing it’s possible to be free. To be healed. To truly have the pain taken away, to have breakthrough in our lives, that what may have been a battle throughout our lives can come to an end in victory.

Here’s what I’ve come to know. There is no human who can take our pain. Not a friend. Not a parent. Not even your soulmate. They can journey with you through it, love you through it, but they cannot take it. They cannot break you free from any prison you may be living in. They cannot heal our wounds. A person simply cannot do it. The reality is the wounds are often too deep. The burdens too great. We live in captivity for so long, we begin to accept that the prison of pain is a life sentence.

Underneath our pain, within those prison walls, my friends there is often a wound. Underneath it all, for many of us, is a hurt that hasn’t been healed. And the problem is, time does not heal wounds. It just doesn’t. The only one who can take the pain, the only one who can heal the wound, the only one who can tear down prison walls, is Jesus. There is no shame with Jesus. There is no judgment with Jesus. There is no pain with Jesus. I realize for those who may not know Jesus in this way, that this may sound made-up or too good to be true. I share these truths with you not as someone who simply believes in Jesus, believes he’s able to do these things. I say this to you as a witness to his healing power, his breaking down of prison walls, his forgiveness and love that takes our greatest wounds, regrets, shame, pain and brings healing, comfort, hope, love. 

No matter what’s happened in your past, where you are today, it is never too late with Jesus. It is never too much for Jesus. Will you trust him today? Will you invite him in? Jesus can and will take every ounce of pain you’re carrying. Every burden you are bearing. Every worry you’re holding. If you’re ready for the prison walls to come down, a simple prayer you can pray now to begin the healing process: 

Jesus, I want to be free of my pain. I want to be free of these prison walls. I want the healing only you can offer. The peace and light and hope you have waiting for me. I am inviting you in. I ask forgiveness for my past regrets, mistakes, anger and hurt. I am here with open hands, asking for your healing and your hope to invade my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If you’d like to know more about healing prayer and inviting Jesus into those areas of your life where wounds need to be healed, simply email blog@calvarylg.com and we’ll be happy to get in touch with you and tell you more. 

Praying blessings of healing, freedom, peace and hope in Jesus.

His Ways Not Ours

Have you ever found yourself in a moment when all of a sudden, a memory from your past is brought to mind? I had some alone time this weekend and as I was sitting there, the image of the front door to my last home popped in my mind. More than an image, it was a memory from one of the most painful and life altering moments of my life. In the memory, I was standing outside my front door, the door closed, taking a moment to process what had happened before going in. I had just finished a conversation with my husband. We had been sitting on a bench by the birch trees in our front yard. For months he had been discussing wanting to leave our marriage. Not wanting to believe it was over, I was trying all I could to change his mind. Holding on to hope, in denial it was over. At the time of the conversation he had begun moving to a new apartment and yet I was still hoping for a different outcome. The conversation we had on the bench that day made it clear the end wasn’t a possibility, it had happened. After our talk my husband left our home to go to his new apartment and I was standing there, staring at the door handle, and then at my hand as it was trembling. My mind frantically searching for what to do while pain ripped through me. Wanting to crumble into a heap but knowing I had three little boys inside who needed their mom I simply stood there staring at the door. That moment signified the abrupt end to a life and a dream I didn’t want to end.

Now, while the memory of this moment was replaying in my mind, the emotions connected to that moment are thankfully also a memory. As I recalled what I was feeling at that time, it’s similar to recalling physical pain. You remember that it hurt, but the pain is no longer something you can feel. Jesus took that wound and turned it into a scar many years ago. That said, I’ve also learned healing and our emotions are similar to an onion. There are layers. With that, I asked God the question I didn’t want to ask, but knew I needed to, “God, what are you showing me? Is there a wound that still exists? Something else that needs to be healed?”. I felt his smile as he knew I was asking with a very hesitant heart. I then felt him speak “I want to teach you something.” 

Over the last year and in particular the last month, God has been highlighting how His ways are not mine. We see in Isaiah 55:8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” What God is showing me is that my preference, my way, my plans, they don’t include pain or suffering. But if I’m honest, it’s the painful moments that have changed me. It’s the breakdowns that have led to breakthrough. As I reflected on that closed front door from years past, God was showing me how that closed door led to a beautiful new door he had already opened for me. One that was full of new life and new hope. A richer, fuller, more purposeful life than the one I’d chosen for myself. As I watch my kids face their own battles, wanting desperately to protect them and alleviate their suffering, He reminds me “your ways are not my ways”. That His plans for the kids are not my plans. That while the journey will look different than what I hope for them, that His ways are not mine and they are in fact better. When God closes a door, he’s got another door, more beautiful and more wonderful prepared for you. 

When we’re experiencing something deeply painful, it can feel impossible to imagine, let alone believe, that something beautiful can come of it. Healing, new beginnings, peace, joy. What I’ve come to accept is that pain and closed doors are part of this life. What’s taken me longer to understand, is that they can also be answers to my prayers. As I pray for my children to be anchored in their faith, there may be battles they have to endure to discover that faith. As I pray to experience God’s miracles, I may have to face something only a miracle could heal. As I pray to be used by God, He will use me. And what I’ve found he uses are the wounds, the disappointments, the heartbreaks. Because in all of it, He has been there. In all of it, He has brought me comfort. And in all of it, His promises are true. Psalm 34:18 shows “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” He has shown this to be true in my life time and time again.

If you’re experiencing something difficult, if a door has been closed that you desperately wanted to remain open, I pray you feel God’s presence, love and comfort. I pray you feel the hope of the new beginning God has in store. I pray for the door he has prepared to be revealed. And I pray His peace that exceeds circumstance to overwhelm your heart. If we can be praying for you, please know we’re honored to do so. Simply email blog@calvarylg.com.

Praying blessings of peace, comfort, healing, hope, and beautiful new beginnings.

Author of Your Story

Happy New Year friends! I pray you had a wonderful Christmas. That you had time over the last two weeks to feel joy, to laugh, to rest, to dream of what this new year will bring. I was listening to a podcast over the break and heard a statement that stopped me in my tracks (quite literally as I was running at the time). He said every 10 years you will go through something brutal. While it was a generalization from his experience as a Pastor, I found myself reflecting back. Age 1-10, anything happen? Yes. Years 11-20? Yes. As I kept counting up, a decade at a time, I found his generalization was correct. As I looked at my children’s lives, I had to admit the same was true for them. The end of my marriage to their father was a deep loss for them. They’ve endured far more than just the divorce and it makes my heart hurt for them. Not just because it’s a broken world and experiencing pain is a guarantee. But also, because at their young ages, they haven’t yet experienced what comes with facing multiple battles…watching God take your most painful moments, what often feels like a heartbreaking end, and turn the page to reveal a new chapter in the beautiful story he has written for your life. 

For the longest time I thought I was the author of my story. I had the outline, planned out where the story would go, how I wanted it to end. The story I had written for myself unsurprisingly had very few twists and turns and absolutely no pain or hardship planned. But as the saying goes, if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. Friends, I’ll be honest. The story I had written for myself was not only boring, it was selfish. I lived for what I wanted for so long. My goals, my plans, my definition of success. But God had a very different plan for my life. A complete 180-degree shift from what I had in mind. He allowed me to lose nearly all I held dear, marriage, job, health, so I would put down the pen and the writing of my terrible story and allow him to write a much better one. 

While I wish I were someone who learned the easy way, that I could be moved and molded without encountering pain, that just wasn’t my nature. I think if we’re honest, that isn’t in any of our human natures. When things are going well and our plans seem to be working out, there doesn’t seem to be any reason to change. My selfish story was working out. God allowed me to live my way, authoring my story, for a long time. Until at age 40, he allowed significant pain to bring my way of living to a screeching halt and ultimately bring healing, freedom, peace and joy that wouldn’t have been possible had I kept living my life and my story as I had it written. To live out what God had planned for my life, he had to insert an abrupt end to my plans. Heartbreak. Loss. Wounding. Not because for a moment God wanted me to hurt. But because He wanted more for my life. He wanted a much more beautiful story for me, for my children, for what he wanted to do in and through my life. It would require letting go. Letting go of my plans for the future, letting go of hurts from the past, and trusting Him with it all. 

As we begin 2021, I encourage you to take a moment and reflect, who is the author of your story? If it’s you, would you be willing to surrender your story to the one who knows where every path leads? The one who wants to take the painful chapters of your life and bring you healing and freedom? The one who will take the brokenness and pain of this world and exchange it for joy and peace? A simple prayer you can pray right now: 

God, I don’t want to be the author of my story. I want to let go. Let go of the pain. Let go of my wounds. Let go of what I’m holding on to that isn’t mine to hold on to. I surrender my life and my plans to you. I ask your forgiveness for my sins. And I ask to know and experience your love, your healing power, your peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If you prayed the prayer above, would you let us know by emailing blog@calvarylg.com? We’d love to lift you in prayer and celebrate the new chapter that’s beginning in your life.

Praying blessings of new life, healing, freedom and peace in Jesus.

The Storm

Friends, last week I shared what may have seemed like a hard experience to share. My health with its unresolved issues and future unknowns. But as I sit here now, that feels so small. I find my life resembling a terrible infomercial filled with “but wait there’s more”. What I found myself writing about on Monday had to be put in to practice just a few days later. The statements I made:

-       His ways aren’t mine, they’re better

-       I don’t have to know why, I just need to know who

-       God has brought my family and me through every dark situation we’ve faced

The statements above, I don’t say them lightly. I believe them and have experienced them as truth. And yet somehow, as we face a new and brutal situation, I find myself battling between trusting God and worrying. Battling between surrendering the situation to him and wanting to try and take matters in to my own hands. But the truth is, there is nothing I can do. We are facing something that is out of my control and when it comes to those I love, surrendering the situation to God, trusting He has it and His way and timing are better, it is a struggle. I want you to know, I understand the surrender I so often talk about is not easy. Not if we’re truly surrendering. The statements about God are all true. And yet, when we are in the storm, when the darkness is around us, when the situation is truly something out of our hands, surrendering is hard.

As I sit here now, heart hurting over this new situation we’re facing, tears falling (again), I am right at this moment practicing what I teach. Surrender. Coming to God with a heart that’s hurting, weary, angry, worried, and laying it all at God’s feet. When the obstacles in life have to do with me, I can take the hits and the exchange of fear and pain for peace, that’s fairly easy. When it comes to those around me, those I love, that’s when it feels like a punch to the gut. Those are the situations that hurt infinitely more, and the exchange is harder. Overwhelmed and needing help, I closed my eyes and prayed “God, thank you for today. I’m mad and I don’t understand. Why? Why are you allowing this to happen?”. If I’m being brutally honest, I had to force myself to praise him before launching in to my unleashing of emotions and questions. My human heart wanted to go directly to the question of “why?”. As I’ve grown in my relationship with God, talking to him in prayer isn’t much different than going to my husband or best friend. The person who knows everything about you and you are so safe in the relationship, you don’t mince words. You just speak the unedited truth. 

I had an honest conversation with God, confessing I was upset we were facing something new. Battle weary is the phrase that comes to mind. And one of the many things I love about God, is you never have to hide anything from him. You actually can’t. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows every emotion we’re feeling. My hurt and anger with him over the new situation we’re facing does not catch him off guard. He’s not disappointed in me coming to him and confronting him with my feelings. He is my loving father. He loves that I trust him enough to not try and hide anything, but to pour it all out. All of it. A child coming to her parent, overwhelmed by circumstance and not knowing what to do, angry that it’s happening, needing guidance and comfort.

This broken world we live in, it’s hard. It’s not fair. There is so much pain and suffering. But there’s also hope. Jesus came so we wouldn’t have to sit in this brokenness. He came so we could go directly to God, have a relationship with Him, share and surrender our wounds, get his counsel, his help, his peace. As we prepare to celebrate the day Jesus stepped down from the thrown to enter our world and save us from our brokenness, I pray if you are facing something, you will join me in reaching out to the only one who can take our pain. The only one who has the answers. The only one who can make a way when one isn’t available. The prayer you can join me in praying:

God, thank you that you love me. Thank you that I don’t have to hide what I’m feeling. I need your help. I am giving you this situation. I am asking for you to give me your comfort, guide me in what to do, make a way where there isn’t one, and protect and bless those I love. I pray this in Jesus’ name, Amen.

God is good. His ways are better. He will see all of us through what we are facing. And if we let him, he will give us peace amidst the storm.

Blessing you all with hope, healing, peace and joy.