Near

When I was 17, there was a separation of marriage, suicide attempt, and job transfer in my small family of four. The three events in fairly close succession, led to me living alone for a year. I was cared for financially and certainly had people watching out for me, but it was a year that stands out when I look back. My family life, to state the obvious, was a mess. I felt trapped in the middle of a disaster of a situation I couldn’t escape. Darkness was swirling around me. Each member of our family hurting in their own way, operating out of their wounds, no one really able to take care of the other. In my mind I can still see the flashing lights of the fire truck on my garage door the night of the suicide attempt. As I sat in the front seat of the car waiting to be taken to a family friend’s house for the night, I remember feeling many things, but mostly what I felt was relief. That as bad as it was, the situation could no longer be ignored, and something would have to change. 

There’s so much that can be unpacked from that one paragraph. How life often gets worse before it gets better. How hurt people hurt people. How we have a real enemy whose goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10) But as I sit here now, looking back, what I remember most about that time is the year living alone. The apartment that felt still. It felt peaceful. Most of all it felt full. But how could that be? With minimal furniture and a small teenage girl as the only resident, how could it be full? God. The presence of a God who drew near in a time when it would seem I was very much alone.

Friends, I wasn’t walking with God at the time. I believed in him but that was about it. I wasn’t going to church. I wasn’t reading the bible. I wasn’t in relationship with God, not as I now know relationship to be. And yet, I remember feeling God with me. I remember distinctly, walking around the apartment one night, processing my feelings and just walking around, feeling I wasn’t alone in the best possible way. I felt him watching over me. I had a deep sense of knowing, as I whispered my prayers asking him to keep me safe, that he was there and was doing just that.

I want you to know, whatever it is you’re facing, whatever burden you’re carrying, if there’s a wound from your past that seems to still be something that haunts or hurts you, God is there. God has always been there. Even if it felt like he wasn’t. God loves you – more than you can possibly imagine. Healing, freedom, peace…it begins with accepting his love. I’m going to ask you to do something that may feel out of your comfort zone. Right now, wherever you’re at, I’d like you to open both of your hands, palms facing upward, as you read the prayer below. It is a prayer inviting God’s love to come into your life.

God, I accept your love. I want to be whole, healed, feel peace despite what I’m facing. Will you meet me here today? Will you fill my heart with who you are? In Jesus’ name, Amen.  

God is love. He loves you so much. I encourage you to seek Him today. Lift your eyes to the God who never leaves, who never fails, who not only loves you but will save you. 

Praying blessings of surrender, healing, love and eternal hope in Jesus.