In the Waiting

My friends, I come to you this morning with a heart that is hurting. As I write, I feel tears rolling down my face, slowly and steadily. There is someone in my life, someone I care about, who is hurting. There is a pain, deep within him, that has never been healed. The pain began as a child, has never left, and haunts him still. I’ve seen this wound cause pain and torment. Behind his smile that often feels like a mask, I can see the weight of the pain. There’s so much I want to say to him. Truth I want to speak to him and over him. But I know now is not the time. That my words won’t land. That the breakthrough I so desperately want for him, the healing, the hope, the peace I want for him, that there is a timeline for it I’m unaware of. And it hurts. It hurts more than my words can convey. We are in the waiting.

Waiting is not easy for me. I don’t know if it’s easy for anyone. A few years ago, my youngest son got very sick. He hadn’t been feeling well that week. It was winter and illnesses were common. He seemed to have caught a cold, then something else, and by the weekend he had woken up with his left eye swollen shut. We immediately took him to the emergency room and he was admitted. It seemed he had caught a bacterial infection. It was in his eye and the infection was spreading down his cheek. Bright redness from the swollen eye streaking down his face. While I was worried, we were in the hospital. He was getting the meds he needed and I took comfort in that. As the day and evening wore on, I expected he would turn a corner. Instead, it was getting worse. The doctors were getting more concerned as there was a risk of blindness in the eye. The feeling of helplessness, fear, worry. My sweet beautiful son, so sick, and nothing I could do.

His dad came to the hospital so I could have a few hours and get a change of clothes while our son slept. I’m a runner and not knowing what to do with my emotions, I went for a run to try and get some of the worry and stress out. It wasn’t pretty. Tears were falling as I ran until feeling overcome, I hit my knees. Right there on the street a few blocks from my home, I was on my knees, tears falling, begging God to intervene. It was a desperate plea… “God, he should be better now. He’s not. Please help. We need you. Please heal my son.” I don’t remember picking myself back up, the run home, the drive back to the hospital. But when I did get to the hospital, my sweet boy had turned the corner.

Here’s what I believe. God knew he was going to heal my son completely. I didn’t know the timing. I didn’t know how. But God was going to use this. He was going to do something in the waiting. I was trusting the doctors and the medicine. I had my own timeline and order of things I expected to happen. I was putting my trust in people more than God. God wanted me to trust Him. To anchor my hope, my faith, my trust in Him. The minute I hit my knees and turned to God, seeking and trusting him, I believe my prayer was answered. I’m willing to bet it happened at that exact moment. 

I’ve had many other situations where the waiting was much longer. As God pulled me from a corporate job to working for Him, a year of waiting. Waiting for guidance, waiting for confirmation, waiting. The person in my life I mentioned at the start of this post, we are years in the waiting. He doesn’t know we’re waiting. I do. As I sat with God last night, hurting over the situation and praying, I felt God comfort and encourage me, guiding me to trust his timing. That he loves this person more than I can comprehend. That he has a plan and his timing is perfect. That His ways are not mine. (Isaiah 55:8-9) In fact, they’re better.

So what can we do in the waiting? We can pray. We can look back at the times in our lives where we’ve seen God show up and intervene. We can remember those moments and hold on to them, hold on to who He is. I find comfort listening to songs, reading and spending time holding on to the truth in verses about who God is and his faithfulness. I have a playlist with some of my favorite songs you can listen to here. “Be Still” has been playing on repeat as I’ve been writing. Verses that I meditate on:

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” – Psalm 62: 5 - 6

“Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.” - Psalm 25: 4-5

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43: 1b - 2

If you’re waiting on breakthrough, my encouragement to you, let’s do something different together. Let’s pray on it. We will pray alongside you. I will pray alongside you. Simply email blog@calvarylg.com with your prayer request and we will join in prayer, lifting this to God and seeking in exchange his peace and comfort, trusting Him in the waiting.

Praying blessings of peace, comfort, trust and breakthrough.