Confessions of a (formerly) bored Christian - Part 2

It’s funny. When I reflect on my life, it’s divided into two distinct parts. As I shared in Part 1 of this blog series, my marriage came to an unexpected and abrupt halt at age 40. One would think the dividing line in my life would be pre and post-divorce, but it’s not. Or pre and post having children. Or even pre and post becoming a blended family with my husband and our fabulous five children. While all of those moments were deeply significant, the truth is none come close to the change that happened when I fully accepted that I was not in control and lifted my hands in surrender to God. 

Up until that point I really did think I was in charge. That I could make things happen. Marriage, parenting, work, friends – I had it dialed in. I was happy. I believed in God and I prayed for him to help where I wanted him to. I didn’t go to church because honestly, as a former Catholic, I had no idea where to go and church wasn’t a pleasant memory for me. My experience of church was a check the box kind of task. If I went, I could check the box of being a good child of God and doing what I was supposed to do. It was very similar to a chore. We didn’t talk about faith at home. Didn’t read the Bible. I talked to God at night about my fears, asking for his help, and that was pretty much it. My faith was a one-sided relationship with me telling God my plans, giving direction on where I needed help, and similar to throwing a penny in a wishing well, hoping that somehow what I wanted would be answered. 

My faith was all about me. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t know it could be different, that it was meant to be different. I was bored in my faith because I had unknowingly made it religion. If I’m being honest, I actually made it less than religion. Religion is defined as “the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power”. I believed in God. I didn’t worship him. I didn’t prioritize him. I didn’t even know him. Or his son. Or his Holy Spirit. Of course I was bored. I had made it boring. I had placed God in this faraway place up in the heavens somewhere and was living my life on my terms. And again, I was happy. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

My life crashing down around me was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. With every ounce of who I am, I mean that. I would walk through the pain and suffering all over again to get to that moment of surrender. That moment transformed my life, my children’s lives and awakened me to a life and adventure I never knew was possible. God had better plans for me than I had for myself. His love for me and his love for you, his plans for our lives, are infinitely better than the very best dreams we have for our lives. He’s God. He knows how our plans work out. That money truly doesn’t buy happiness. That traveling to different places around the world doesn’t buy happiness. That having the American dream – with the spouse and the kids and the job and the house, doesn’t buy happiness. I realize that sounds like a contradiction as I’ve said a few times that when I had those things and was living that life, I was happy. But here’s what I can tell you now. That happiness simply cannot compare to the absolute joy and peace that come with a relationship with God. 

I understand if what I’m saying seems hard to believe. I imagine it’s similar to trying to explain color to someone who was born blind. Until you experience it for yourself, it’s so difficult to imagine. In my own way, I was living life blind. Blind to the fact that the things of this world aren’t lasting and aren’t fulfilling. Blind to who God is and what faith was meant to be. Blind to the value of peace. Peace that exceeds understanding. (Phil 4:7) My moment of surrender, putting God first and living life according to His will for my life, it doesn’t mean there haven’t been hard times. I’ve hit my knees, in anguish, multiple times since then. When one of my boys was sick in the hospital and not getting better. When another was suffering deeply and I had to again surrender, realizing as a mom I could do no more and that we desperately needed God to intervene. When my body has been under attack with cancer scares again and again and yet again. Each and every time, God is there. God meets me in my pain. And he sees us through. There is always hope, and it’s because of him. Life has become a daily surrender with me giving God my plans along with my burdens and receiving His guidance, His peace, His joy. 

I encourage you, take five or ten minutes today, and give yourself time to reflect. What of this stands out? Are there aspects you can relate to? For those who know God, is it possible that your faith has become religion? Or asked in another way, when you think about God are you excited? 

There’s so much more to unpack but for now, I leave you with this encouragement. If you’re reading this, God has led you to it. He’s chasing you and wants a relationship with you. A two-sided relationship where he wants to guide, bless and change your life in the best possible way. One where he speaks his love and truth over you daily. And when life really is a “buckle your seatbelt” kind of adventure. 

Stay tuned for Part 3 next Tuesday where we get to the adventure part and how a relationship with God can take you on the wildest (and best) adventures of your life. In the meantime, praying blessings of peace, joy and surrender in Him.