Confessions of a (formerly) bored Christian - Part 1

My friends, I have a confession. For nearly 40 years, I was, at best, bored in my faith. At worst, I was living for myself, seeking God when I had a want or need. I was raised Catholic and while I went to church regularly as a child, I didn’t enjoy it. Faith was something I had but it didn’t excite me, guide me, and usually fell dead last on my list of priorities. Outside of the head knowledge that Jesus was the son of God, I didn’t know anything about him, let alone the Holy Spirit. I did not read my Bible. In fact, the only Bible I had was the children’s Bible given to me by my Father. I prayed pretty regularly, but even those prayers were all for me. It was my wish list of what I wanted to have happen in my life, and I treated God like a good luck charm. If I prayed, then maybe what I wanted would have a better chance of happening. And here’s the truth, life was working out pretty darn well. I had a beautiful family, great career, a nice home, a wonderful life. Until it all came crashing down. 

All at once the world I had built was gone. My husband didn’t want to be married anymore. My boss told me a single mom couldn’t be successful in business. I needed to have major surgery. All of this happened within months. It was like being hit by an ocean wave, thrown underwater, and just as I broke the surface to get air, another wave would hit and take me under again. I was devastated. I was heartbroken. I wasn’t sleeping. I remember it hurt to breathe. The life I had built, every aspect of it, was gone. The two things I had left: my three young boys and my faith. One day I was out on a run praying and asking God the question so many of us ask when we’re hurting. “Why?”. It was the only question I had the strength to ask. All of a sudden, I felt the answer to my question in my heart. God had a different plan for my life. And I realized in that moment I was not in control. It was at that moment, on the sidewalk next to a golf course, that I lifted my hands in the air and surrendered. I said to God “I’m out. You’re in control. Whatever you have planned for my life, I surrender. Whether or not I get to love another person, where I work, where I live, it’s all in your hands.”  

That day was the most powerful day of my life. I didn’t realize it at the time but looking back now I can tell you with certainty, it’s the day my entire life had been leading up to. God had a plan for my life. And while I know his heart broke as mine was breaking, he also knew the plans he had for my life (Jeremiah 29:11). That he would exchange the ashes of my pain for beauty (Isaiah 61:3). There was not a moment in that time, that God wasn’t there. Holding my life and my boys in his hands, loving, comforting, strengthening, preparing. God had not caused my pain, but he did allow it. And he was going to redeem it. He was waiting for me to surrender. He knew what it would take for me to release full control of my life. And that is when the adventure began. I share all of this with you for a few reasons. 

1) We are meant to share our stories. There was a time I honestly thought I would never sleep through the night again. I thought I wouldn’t be able to genuinely smile or laugh again. And now my profound laugh lines, along with many other blessings, are there as testimony that God restores. He redeems. He gives beauty for ashes. 

2) As encouragement in the hard times. If you are going through something, if the weight of the pain and worry feel overwhelming, there is hope. You will get through it. God is not absent. He will take your pain. I encourage you to lift it to him in prayer, surrender it to him. Ask for his peace in place of your pain. He is there with you and he loves you more than you can imagine. If we can pray for you, please email prayer@calvarylg.com and we will be honored to lift you and what you’re going through to Him.

3) As encouragement on your faith journey. Hearing the voice of God in prayer, knowing the purpose and assignment God has for your life, being used by Him, having adventures with and for Him, witnessing God heal others physically, emotionally, spiritually – these aren’t things I grew up with. These experiences aren’t reserved for a few. This is available to all God’s sons and daughters. This is available to you. As we continue to journey together, as you press in on seeking God in prayer and stepping out in faith, these experiences and so many more can be part of your story and testimony.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of Confessions of a (formerly) bored Christian on Friday.

Praying blessings of peace, joy and surrender in Him.