Chasing Empty

Most of my life has been spent experiencing what the world has to offer. Until 40, having kids was as close as my life had come to feeling fulfilled and as though I was living out my purpose. If I’m honest though, even as a mom I still felt like I was chasing something but I couldn’t tell you what that was. It was as if there was something missing that I couldn’t quite put my finger on and was so busy I didn’t have time to figure it out.

I met Jesus at 40. It took my life falling apart in every way possible for it to happen. I had to lose everything to realize what I thought was “everything” was really nothing. (Thankfully my kiddos were not a part of the loss.) My life was so much less than it was meant to be. I thought it was full. I really did. By the world’s standards it was. I had all the things, marriage, career, home, travel. Even then, it wasn’t a remarkable life. It was a day after day life. There was a chase for more that was endless and empty. But I wasn’t willing to let it go. I wasn’t willing to stop chasing. I wasn’t willing to stop and figure out what that void, deep inside, was meant to be filled with. So, God allowed that life and that chase to come to a screeching halt so I could and would finally figure it out.

It took gut wrenching pain, despair, worry, fear, unknowns, for me to seek God. For me to search him with the question of “why?”. Which led to the first time I can recall hearing God speak to my heart. I was on a run, hurting and searching, and on the side of the road asking him with a desperate cry “Why? Why did you allow this to happen? What did I do wrong?”. I immediately heard what sounded like my own thoughts/voice in my mind “Because I want more for you. I have a different life planned for you. I want more for you than you want for yourself.” It was at that moment I put my hands in the air and surrendered my life. I told him “I’m out. You’re in charge.” And I meant it. 

I wasn’t strong enough to change my life on my own. To give up my way of living. So God allowed significant pain because that’s what it took in my life, to finally let go of the things that were leading down an empty path. I went to church and met Jesus. I felt his presence there and as I experienced him, I felt something begin to change in me. As I spent time pressing in, getting to know who Jesus was and is, I felt my heart fill with his love. The wounds in my heart from the people in my life were being healed by the love of Jesus. I learned to hear his voice. I began to experience Jesus. And that changed everything.

Jesus, Scripture, Prayer, Worship, Holy Spirit – they’re all alive and active. Jesus is alive and active and will speak to you, meet with you, be with you. As I read the bible, Jesus will have words and phrases that stand out. That’s his way of showing me he wants to enter into conversation and reveal something to me related to those verses. Prayer is a conversation where I ask Jesus “what do you want to reveal to me? What do you want me to know?” and he responds. Worship – one of my favorite things to do is to find time alone, play a worship song loudly, close my eyes and experience Jesus. I will feel His presence. My eyes will well with tears. Sometimes I’ll feel my body temperature rise where all of a sudden it feels hot. Friends, Jesus always shows up. Sometimes I need to sit and be patient. And the truth is, there are days I may not physically “feel” Jesus as I just described. He’s still there. 

Jesus wants to be with you. He wants to be in relationship with you and have conversations with you. But it is up to us to seek Him. We have to open our hearts and minds to him. It won’t just happen in your life. It won’t happen to you. His word promises “seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8

Jesus is waiting for you to reach out to him. Right now, at this very moment, he wants you to know how much he loves you and he wants to tell you himself. I encourage you, today, take time to be with him. Read the Bible, listen to a worship song, and then sit with him in prayer. Ask him “Jesus, what do you want me to know?” The first words you hear, so often it will sound like your own thoughts in your mind, write them down. You can even ask “Jesus, is that you?”. Jesus’ voice is a voice of love. He will speak to you. If you have questions or would like additional resources on hearing his voice, simply email blog@calvarylg.com. A million distractions or reasons are likely to come up to keep you from experiencing Jesus. Please don’t let them. A minute with Jesus is better than a lifetime without. He will change your life in the most wonderful and incredible way.

Blessing you with experiencing the presence of Jesus today.